Wednesday, June 28, 2017

Mean Girls, Hives, and a Recipe

What is it about just being born a female that turns some girls into pure evil?  I use to think it was girls at the age of ten, or eight, and sometimes even six.  But not anymore!  It's ANY age.  Is it society?  Do girls learn this from their mothers?  Or is it just the natural testing of boundaries and struggle for independence that causes this fierce competition and meanness in girls?  AND, why can't they take out their aggressive feelings the way boys do?  You know, with a little healthy sporting.  Heck, even a good shoving match would be fine, as long as there were no bitter feelings when it was all over.  

My experience with girls is that they are pretty much divided into two groups: the jealous, conniving, back-stabbers and the naive Innocents just trying to keep their head above water as they swim amongst the sharks every day.  (There's also the occasional shark pretending to be naive too).  OK, maybe the lines are not so clearly drawn in the sand, but my heart breaks when my daughters or even I get mean little messages from our girl friends who want to "break up" with us for whatever reason right at that moment.  Why?  No real reason.  Is it because they are jealous that we got a little more attention than they thought we should?  Maybe.  Then there's the gossiping.  You know, I heard it from a friend who heard from a friend that you don't like this or that and you want to be BFF's with someone else.  Well, that could very well be.  Or they can't stand that we are friends with someone they want to be friends with.  Also, quite possible.

I remember growing up and spending several afternoons talking to my Mom and going over every possible would sound a little something like this....."Did you gossip about her?  No.  But if you did you need to apologize?  I didn't. OK.  I'm just saying IF.  That's not it Mom!!!!!  OK.  Have you been hanging out with other friends?  Yes.  Because (mean girl #1) won't talk to me.  Buy why won't she talk to you?  I DON'T KNOW!!!!!  Did you kiss her boyfriend?  MOOOOOOOOMMMM!!!!!  'Cause girls don't like that you know.....MOM!!!!  Stop!  That is not why she is mad.  Then why is she mad?  I! DON'T! KNOW!  Did (mean girl #2) tell her a lie about you to mess things up?  Maybe.  I wouldn't put it past her.  Ugh!"......and we would talk about it for what seemed like forever.  

Most times the conclusion boiled down to three possible things happening. 
 1) I made a mistake, said something I shouldn't have and I needed to apologize.  (I've been known to do this.  Don't we all from time to time?)
2.  Mean girl #1 is being a brat to get attention and I just need to hang out with other friends until she gets over herself.  (I've known plenty of these types of girls.  I call them the divas.)
3.  Mean girl #2 has been "stirring the pot" and I just needed to hang out with other friends and not look back.  Ever.  (These are the scariest ones of all because things always get worse before they get better with these kinds of girls.  Assuming they ever get better.  Yikes!)

All in all, each of these conclusions or experiences have brought me to understand a few things about girls.  Lexi said it best the other day, it's hard being a girl.  And it really is from time to time.  Her and I have had the chance to talk about a few of the so called "mean girls" in her life and in mine as well.  In fact, I remember there was this particular mean girl that was relentless at bothering me when I was in 3rd and 4th grade.  She would say mean things, come around and take friends away, and did anything she could to make my life hard.  Then she didn't come to school for about two months.  I assumed she moved away and I was thrilled she was gone.  Then one day our teacher gathered all of us in the class together to tell us that the mean girl had been diagnosed with cancer and they didn't think she was going to make it another month.  I wasn't affected by the news like everyone else was.  In fact, I was thrilled she was gone from my life forever.  What can I say.  I was a little girl who had been bullied by a very mean girl.  As far as I was concerned my prayers had been answered when Heavenly Father called this mean girl back home to live with him.  Or at least that's how I looked at it.  

Lexi has encountered her share of mean girls over the course of her 18 years of life.  Some were even several years younger than her but just as mean as ever.  There was a time when one of the little girls on our street made it a point to tell Lexi that her mother didn't like her.  Lexi never told me this when it happened.  In fact, I just found out a couple of weeks ago.  One time, Lexi was the so called mean girl when she proceeded to tell a guest in our home that I didn't like them.  That was awful!  I had to do a lot of explaining that day and then I also had to do some explaining to Lexi as well.  I had to explain that sometimes when parents are voicing their frustrations with a situation that doesn't necessarily mean they dislike the person.  It just means they dislike the situation.  AND we need to be careful what we say because it can be hurtful to others.

Sometimes I think we as adults needs to watch what we say in front of our children because eventually they become mini tape recorders and they "play back" everything they hear at precisely the worst possible moments, just like Lexi and this little girl did and by doing so, they become a mean girl without even knowing it.  Lexi and I talked about both of these situations a couple of times.  She doesn't think the Mom really didn't like her.  She probably just didn't like a situation.  AND Lexi knows I certainly didn't say I didn't like that person that was visiting.  

Over the years I have come across my share of "mean girls" and my share of nice girls too.  By far, the effects of all the mean girls have certainly taken their tole on my life.  Some have caused me to just laugh off their meanness.  Some have caused me to cry from time to time.  AND still some have caused myself and my family to retreat so as not to encounter the mean girl anymore.  You know, we've reverted to "protective mode" because their meanness was the most toxic of any of the others.  That of course was only in one extreme case.  You'd be surprised who in your life can turn out to be a mean girl.  I mentioned before about those sharks pretending to be naive nice girls.  Well, this particular mean girl was masquerading around pretending to be nice but turned out to be the meanest shark of all.  This mean girl went on a verbal attack on me and said several hurtful things that just weren't true in an effort to really do some damage.  Well, thankfully I have a wonderful husband and children who love me and have rallied around me in support (and protection too) from this particular mean girl.  My husband says the things this person said we're actually directed at him because of his disability and what it's done to our financial situation over the years.  He said I've been the one holding us together for many many years now and for this mean girl to think or say otherwise was wrong.  So, we have removed ourselves from any possible situation that would put us in contact with this particular mean girl so as to avoid any further issues.  When I've tried to talk to Kevin about a possible reconciliation he flat out refuses.  He said he is fine with the way things are.  He says he will not put us in that situation ever again.  Other people have also tried to resolve the matter, but Kevin refused them as well.  He said he knows this isn't the way things should be, but he also needs to protect his wife and children from toxic mean girls too.  He says I, of all people, do not deserve the treatment I've received and this particular mean girl should be grateful I'm here and have stuck around Kevin through all of this.  He says this mean girl with all of her minions has tried and tried to make me out to be this awful person when they should be taking responsibility for their own actions instead.  I have to say, this level of support from my husband has been nothing short of amazing and I love him more and more every day because of it.  I will say this about this particular situation.  Our lives have been drama free since we removed ourselves from that situation.  It's not the ideal solution, but it certainly has it's benefits.  

For the teenage mean girls, I came across a book called Queen Bees and Wannabes that can maybe give some helpful advice to those girls, mothers, and even mean girls in your life.  For me, I found that hanging out with the boys was the best option sometimes.  I know that's not always ideal and sometimes causes it's  own set of issues.  Especially when people talk.  Boys just don't seem to have all the drama girls have.  I do not like drama and I've come to realize my husband and children do not either.  We all tend to avoid situations and people that cause it now.  It's just not worth the trouble and a whole lot less stressful in the long run.  

In other news.......

- I'm home from work today because I'm covered in hives and popping benadryl like candy today.  I can't drive while taking it.  I get too loopy with just the tiniest amounts.  Arg!!  My PCP referred me to a dermatologist but not an allergist yet.  So, I got busy today made a few calls to get the ball rolling.  After all was said and done, I  scheduled myself for the dreaded scratch test next week with a doctor we used to see years and years ago.   When I was talking to the appointment scheduler she said I'll have to go three days without taking my Allegra or any other antihistamines prior to the test.  They said that way they get the best results.  So we will see how that goes.  I'm a little worried, but at the same time I've gotta figure this out.  I'm covered in hives today.  They are all over my body, my neck, face including my lips, feet, hands and even the palms of my hands.  It's awful.  I'll be staying close to my EpiPen those three days.

- My nebulizer came in the mail today.  I paid $26 through Amazon and it's exactly what I have used at the doctor's offices.  It even came with the tubing so I was thrilled.  Now I'm all set with medications and now the machine for my next asthma issue.  I was talking to a friend at work about it and she said she bought one from Walgreen's one time for about $45.  I'm grateful there are other options other than having to go through the insurance now a days.  Score!!!

- I found a punch recipe I want to try sometime.  

Pineapple Punch

1 bottle Pina Colada Mix (you can find this in the drink mix section of your grocery store)
1 can of frozen pineapple-orange juice concentrate
2 2-liter bottles of 7-up or Sprite
1 bag of Pebble Ice (Sonic sells bags of this)

Mix and add water to taste.  It's pretty sweet, so at least 2 quarts of water will be needed.

Well, it's been a very sleep filled day.  I'm off to sleep again.  Take care and we will talk again soon.
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