Tuesday, February 7, 2017

Handling your emotions

I'm thankful that days like yesterday and today do not happen very often. Someone told me something yesterday that really bothered me. Worse yet, I think that because it bothered me so much, it also unintentionally hurt a friend's feelings.  Hopefully I corrected the misunderstanding quickly enough, listened to another friend who's words were exactly what I needed to hear to help me snap out of it and then I spoke with another close friend shortly after she discovered that she'd been diagnosed with breast cancer a few hours before. Up down, up down. A rough day for many and all right in the middle of a busy couple of days at work.  Emotional day today for certain!

It's interesting because I look at this whole day and yesterday and I am amazed at how differently people react to things.  Some people fly off the handle, some cry inside.  Some lash out.  Other internalize it and then blow a huge gasket down the road.  Everyone deals with their emotions so uniquely. And absolutely, no question in my mind, what works for one doesn't or won't necessarily work for another.

For me, I'm one who talks about it...after I get a little upset, have a few moments of silence, and then you can't get me to stop talking about it.  I once read, years and years ago, that if a person talks through a painful or emotional situation six times, by the time they tell the story the seventh time, it will have lost it's fire. The emotion is drained right out of it or them.  For me, this has been a great solution.  When something upsets me, I find my six sources. I blurt it out. If I am lucky enough to find six sources, I vent and it's over. If not, I keep going and keep talking about it. After six sources the emotion is lost. Understanding comes. Done. Thank goodness because I could never hold something in and not get past it. Also, thank goodness that I have prayer, Kevin, a mother and father, a couple daughters, a journal, a few good friends who'll listen to me when I'm spilling over, a blog, and, of course, a therapist.

I realize that some things can not just be talked about or through. Like death, being one.  Talking helps but doesn't take away the pain.  I'm thankful that, for me, most things can be talked out and I feel better almost immediately. I talk it over and then I can let it go. If I don't get to talk things over that's when they fester and linger. For me, talking just works. Enough said.

Have you been to a Pampered Chef party lately?  What about one set up as a bridal shower?  Not a bad idea right?!!  I love that idea. Each guest would chose a random Pampered Chef item out of a basket and then would have to share some wedding advise connected to the item. A few of the responses might really leave an impression on everyone at the shower. Here are some ideas that I thought were pretty good.

The Kitchen Timer - Take time every single day for at least one passionate kiss and make time to listen to each other. 

The New Wire Whisk - It's shaped funky! - Sometimes your marriage will be a little bent out of shape but make the effort to whip it right back into shape.

The Hot Pads - When things get a little heated, handle them with care.

The Can Opener - A great tool but not to be used to re-open trials once they've been opened and closed.

The Kitchen Scissors - Without the connecting grommet the shears are simply two separate entities, just as a marriage needs common things to connect you.

And here is a recipe you could prepare at the shower as well.  It's quite the salad!  In fact, I just might be making it some Sunday for dinner!  

Chicken & Spinach Salad

3/4 cup Ranch Dressing
1 T. Lime juice
1 T. Curry powder
1 clove fresh garlic, minced

1 apple, chopped (I use honey crisp..they are the best!)
1 medium shredded carrot
10 oz. Baby Spinach
1 small red pepper, chopped
1/2 cup red onion, chopped (we leave this out at our house. no onions)
1/2 cup raisins
1 pound cooked and chopped chicken
3 T. chopped cilantro
1/4 cup sliced almonds

Mix the salad dressing and chill. Pour over the mixed salad. Serve.
(The recipe also said that you could not use the spinach, mix the rest of the ingredients and serve over hot rice. I'll be trying that one too! I don't know why you couldn't still toss in a little spinach into the rice. Please pass me a bowl full right now!! YUM!)

Let's move on.

Sunday we heard this story in Relief Society. When I heard it for the first time it was shared in context of dealing with life's trails and I loved it. It was catchy and I thought the story might help others and I had to share it.

I meant to share it earlier, but then Monday went by and a few things happened and I came home exhausted from work.  Then today I came home still a little worn out and frustrated still.  When I went to find this story I stumbled across this version and it so fits with the kind of things that came about on Monday.  So, without naming names, or explaining the situation so as not to hurt others.... I thought I would just share this story.  

The Donkey in the Well - Parable with moral to the story.

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well that the farmer had accidentally left uncovered. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway, so it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.

He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he quieted down.

A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up.

As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!
The version of the story I found included this.......
The donkey later came back, and bit the farmer who had tried to bury him.  The gash from the bite got infected and the farmer eventually died in agony from septic shock.
MORAL OF THE STORY:  When you do something wrong, and try to cover your ass, it always comes back to bite you.
Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to not freeze and let the dirt paralyze you. 
Shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a stepping stone. In most cases, we can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up. It is Easier DONE than Said.

Now, most people think that's the end, but it isn't.

Take care my friends and we will talk again soon! 

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