Saturday, January 28, 2017

Don't Speak

I'm starting to really have to watch how I say things and hold back the things that are at the tip of my tongue and I'm failing miserably!  I need to remember not to speak unless I can improve on the topic at hand or even the silence.  It isn't easy that's for sure!  
As I've been dealing with a few things for the past couple of days, I've been thinking about things that have been said to me that have had an impacted my life in various ways.  Here's some of the random things that have come to mind.
  • The meanest thing anyone ever said to me:  I'd have to say it was my high school English teacher that stopped teaching right in the middle of his class to pick apart my outfit that day in front of the entire class.  He went through every garment I had on, right down to my shoes, and let everyone know what he liked and didn't like about what I was wearing.  That really hurt.   
  • The kindest thing anyone ever said to me:  Years ago when my children were younger and they would go to school and Primary classes by themselves.  I had their school teachers and their Primary teachers all tell me that my children were very well behaved in class.  When I mentioned that I wished they acted that way at home as well, they said be grateful Kevin and I were the only ones that saw their wild side.  They said most kids are bad more so at school and church and their parents are in disbelief that their child would ever act out in class.  They all said our kids were very well behaved and respectful to the teachers and the other students.  That made our day to hear this.  In fact, Kyle ended up being student of the month in his class. The teacher said he was the best behaved boy in her class and she wished she had more students just like him.  That became a theme for Kyle as the years went by.  I remember a football coach bringing Kyle up to the stand at the annual football banquet to give him an award.  That coach took the time to let every parent and player know that he wished he had an entire team of young men just like Kyle who were not the best player, but who worked very hard, came to practice every single day ready to work on time, who never complained, never swore, and always encouraged his fellow teammates.  He said give me an entire team of young men like Kyle and I will show you a team that will go far.  That was pretty amazing.  
  • The most honest thing anyone ever said to me:   When Lexi told me she wanted to spend more time with me about a month ago.  She was frustrated because she didn't think I wanted to spend time with her, but that wasn't true.  I just never thought my kids wanted to spend time with me.  They always talked about their dad and wanting to talk to him and see him, never me.  It was an eye opening experience for me.....and humbling too.
  • The thing said to me that had the biggest impact on my life:  For many years whenever I received a calling in church it was always in Primary (teaching the young children in our church.  They call their group "Primary").  After a while I began to get frustrated with that.  One Sunday, shortly after we moved to El Paso,Texas, a member of our bishopric stopped by to extend yet another calling to me teaching young kids in Primary.  This time it was the five years old.  I of course accepted the calling, but as soon as the member of the bishopric left our home I began to cry and complain to my husband. My husband was never one to be able to tolerate me crying and complaining and he didn't have any sympathy for me at all.  Instead he got mad at me and said, "Sondra, you are going to keep getting Primary every single time you get a calling until you learn to love Primary."  Those words were not received well at all.  In fact, I recall not speaking to my husband for a couple of days, except for the basic day to day necessities. I couldn't believe he couldn't be sympathetic to my frustrations and he didn't even try to console me and help me through it.  Instead he was cold and mean.  Or at least I thought he was at the time.  After a while I called my Mom and told her about my calling and that I wasn't happy.  You see, I was concerned that I would be forgotten in Primary and left there.  My Mom reminded me that I could decide to be mad or I could decide to make that little five year old class the best five year old class that ward had ever seen.  She said you can really make a difference and make that class so much fun for those kids that they go home every Sunday excited to share what they learned and did in the class so much that they can't help but share it with their parents.  My Mom wasn't going to let me complain either.  So, between my husband and my Mom I learned a valuable lesson about "blooming where you are planted".  I'll never forget their words.  Even today when I still get frustrated with callings and still think I'll be forgotten Kevin's words and the words of my Mom come to mind, time and time again.  Later, I still kept getting called to Primary and eventually I ended up becoming a Primary President.  So, I guess I was receiving on the job training for that calling....so-to-speak.  I always wished I'd get to serve in Young Women's with my girls.  I never got it, except once for about 5 months.  Lexi turns 18 this June, so I guess it was just never meant to be. 
  • The most important thing ever said to me:  "This life is a test.  It's not the grade that we get at the end of the test that matters as much as how we endure the test."  This was said by a wonderful church leader in a Gospel Doctrine class.  And a second, and almost as impacting, said to me by a Relief Society President years ago, "Thank the Lord for your every challenge in life because they are what make you stronger and help you grow to become the best person that you can bee."
  • The most embarrassing thing anyone ever said to me:  Said by the girls at a table in the lunch room at work when the slip I was wearing had the elastic in the waste band break and my slip fell to the ground around my ankles....."Just keep walking honey, we've all seen it before, so don't be embarrassed.  It's happened to the best of us." I was so glad they were not laughing at me and were actually defending me.  Needless to say, that slip was scooped up and put right into my purse and then the trash as soon as I got back to my desk.  Talk about embarrassing!
  • The most shocking thing anyone ever said to me:  Just two weeks before our wedding I walked into my parents home right after a long day at work expecting to rush around and get ready fast before Kevin came to pick me up.  Well, when I walked in my dad sat me down and proceeded to say, "Sondra, Kevin's been in an accident.  He was hit from behind and has hurt his neck pretty bad.  They don't know exactly how bad it is yet and they think he will be laid up for quite a while."  I couldn't believe it!  He had gone out that day to pick up our cake topped that day.  The cake top was fine, but not Kevin.  He was laid up for about a week.  Luckily no permanent damage to Kevin. 
  • The best thing ever said to me:  Just three days after he returned home from his mission, and while we were sitting next to a tree in a park close to my parents home, Kevin said, "Sondra, will you marry me?"  That was on August 6th, we were married three months later on November 14th, 1987.  
  • The funniest thing ever said to me:  "At least your mother never forgot to pick you up from work in the middle of the night in the middle of Phoenix and you had to walk home."  Kyle says this to me and everyone here at home whenever they think they are not loved.  He reminds us all that, "at least your Mother never forgot you."  In my defense, it was in the middle of the night and the cell phone I was using as my alarm clock stopped working/charging some time between when I fell asleep and when he needed to be picked up.  I felt bad. 
  • The biggest compliment ever said to me:  Each time I answer the phone at work and the caller says, "I'm so glad you answered and I get to talk to you!  The others in your office are great, but they aren't YOU!  You always do exactly what you say you are going to do, and I just know whenever it's in your hands it will get done and you will always call me back and let me know how things are going throughout the process and I really appreciate that!"  It means a lot knowing what I do is appreciated and valued by those I work for.  I love that! 
  • My most favorite thing ever said to me:  Kevin saying, "I love you, Sondra, and I don't know what I would do without you."  My kids saying, "You're the best Mom in the world."  Danielle saying, "Mom, you do so much to make our lives easier everyday. I love you."  My parents saying, "You inspire us by the things that you do."  and my 21 year old missionary saying, "I want my Mommy." when he needs some real love or help.
It's been a rough couple of days for me.  I've had to bite my tongue to keep from saying some of the things that have come to mind.  If I would have said them, they would have been said in anger and frustration and that's never good.  I'm not as patient as I was even two or three days ago.  It's not easy dealing with medicated Kevin who wakes me up in the middle of the night to help him find out why the lights on his cell phone are flashing.  Or medicated Kevin who is upset because the doctor's are telling him he needs to start thinking about certain things he isn't ready to deal with.  OR....this one really got to me, when medicated Kevin starts asking me about who is going to the temple with me today, and who is standing in for the man, when I had no intention of going to the temple today and never even said anything about going there.  OR when medicated Kevin starts telling me about dreams he has been having about his father who past away or brother who past away several years ago.  I'm not frustrated that he is having these dreams or that he is asking these questions.  I'm frustrated with how the medications make my husband act.  I want my husband back.  I want my spunky, determined to prove people wrong, and quick witted husband back!!  I can't handle the medicated version these past couple of days.  I need to regroup and find a way to get through all of this.  This has never bothered me this much before.  So, who now?  I think it's because everything else is coming at me all at once too.  Kyle and his tooth. Lexi and another migraine and missing the opportunity to be in the presence of two Apostles tonight.  I think she could really benefit from seeing them and hearing them speak.  There is nothing like seeing them and hearing them speak in person.  I want that for her so badly and here comes another migraine to get in the way....ARG!!!.  Danielle and her changes in hair color and new piercings....what on earth is she thinking?!  Why?!  The dogs barking and getting on the couch.  The weather. 

I think I just need a long nap or something.  Things are getting to me that really wouldn't bother me as much before.  Kyle can't help that his toothache happened this week.  Lexi can't control her headaches.  Kevin can't help that his pain isn't in control without the pain meds.  Danielle coloring her hair crazy colors and piercing her ear is really no big deal.  It's just hair and a teeny tiny hole.  Who  cares.  She's still my daughter and a good girl.  The dogs,  well, we can work on that.  They can spend a little more time outside and I can find a doggie gate to keep them out of certain rooms.  If these are the worst of my problems today, then I'm doing pretty good and I need to stop complaining.   

I found this great sign the other day.  It says, "$5 charge for whining."  Looks like I need to pay up.  LOL!  I think I might hang it up in my office at work.  ~smile~smile~
Anyway.......I should get going.  Take care my friends and we will talk again soon.



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