Saturday, December 31, 2016

New Year's Eve 2017

It's hard to find out just how serious your condition is.  This morning I went in to check on Kevin and he said he had been up since about four reading on the Internet about sepsis.  (Big mistake)  I tried to tell him about the book I was reading and the well known author who found herself with her only child, who happened to be newly married, ended up in a medically induced coma, at a local hospital, due to septic shock.  Then while her daughter was in the hospital, this author and her husband went home one night to have a bite of dinner, and just as they were sitting down to dinner, the husband had a stroke and died suddenly.  Then the daughter got better only to collapse five months later, and had to be rushed in for brain surgery to stop an aneurysm.  Thankfully the daughter pulled through.  As I was telling this story, Kevin made me stop.  He couldn't hear it, and he couldn't even speak, he was so upset and scared.  (What on earth was I thinking by telling him this awful story?)  Then he asked the BIG question......"Why?"  "Why is this happening to me?"  "I know I didn't lead a perfect life, but I didn't deserve this."  

I tried my best to explain that it's been my experience that this very question can be a self-defeating thing.  I find that when I begin to question the Whys in my own life that this is when I am open to allow things like anger, doubt, fear, self-pity in, and it's a time when the adversary takes a slight hold and seems to enter in.  It's also the point that I feel my Heavenly Father withdrawal from me somewhat, and it's harder for me to receive personal revelation during these times.  So, I try very hard to not question the Whys in my own life.  It's not easy.  It's something I struggle with, especially with things like what Kevin is going through right now.  In fact, I've been quite proud of myself for NOT questioning the Whys throughout most of this.  (I do admit in the beginning I did ask one or two Whys, but I had no choice but to push those Whys out of my mind quickly.  I didn't have time to entertain the Whys.  I needed to handle all kinds of things alone and I needed my Heavenly Father more than ever now.) That to me has been part of how we have been able to see so many miracles throughout this past year in such a profound way and I don't want that to stop.  

I told Kevin that he needed to not ask Why, but to find a way to ask How do I deal with this now?, or What is my next step? or What is it that you want me to do with this?  I told him,  "asking Why is just going to make things fester and cause him a lot of grief and  pain, it's a waste of time, it's a way for the adversary to find a weak spot to creep in, and that that is when his Heavenly Father withdrawals somewhat from him and right now he cannot afford to allow that to happen".  I said, "you need Him there with you at all times right now to help you find those answers and just to get you through all of this".  I also said, "if you can get past the Whys and move on to ask How do I, or What do I, then he would be able get on with things the way his Heavenly Father wants him to".  I said, "I know that not asking Why seems like the hardest thing to do right now, but it really is the best thing for him right now."   I don't know if I got through to Kevin or not.  I know right now he has too much time to sit and stew over things and that is never a good way to push the Whys aside and move on to the How's and What's. 

 Looks like we are going to have to find something for Kevin to do.  I know what he needs.  He needs a calling.  Something that will force Kevin to get up out of that bed and get busy thinking about something other than his own situation.  He needs to serve.  Helping and serving others is the fastest way to get past the Whys and move on to the How's and What's in your life.  Serving is the quickest way I know to help Kevin find himself through all of this.  Now, how do we make this happen?  So many questions.  I guess it's time to ask my Heavenly Father for help here and to get Kevin to think in terms of asking Him as well.  This could be a hard thing to do.  You can't just make a man do something sometimes.  Men can be a little stubborn when it comes to things like this.  They like to be the ones with the brilliant ideas most of the time, but let's face it, women do have some pretty great ideas as well.  Sometimes you have to find a way to make something their idea in order for it actually work out the way you want it to, and that is the tricky part.  How do put this idea in Kevin's mind without making it seem like I am the one that came up with the idea? 

I went into our bedroom to talk to Kevin.  Thank goodness he feels that he will be able to get past the Whys as he said, "he always does."  That was comforting to me.  That tells me I'm dealing with "my Kevin" and not sick Kevin.  That's always a good sign.  We talked about needing to find something for him to do.  He said, he knows he never should have started reading up on sepsis.  I said, "Yeah, you are probably right.  It doesn't do you any good."  He then said he still feels the way he did before he went into the hospital.  I told him I know he does.  I said he is still pretty weak.  I said that's why I have been home with him because I know he needs help.  He then said that if this next set of tests come back with little or no improvement that he would finally get a blessing.  That's right folks, Kevin didn't want a blessing at the hospital.  Men are so stubborn sometimes.  I think they feel that they are admitting they are weak if they ask for a blessing sometimes.  Me on the other hand, I want a blessing right away because I know I'm weak and will most definitely need it.  Not my husband.   He wants to wait until after these test results.  The man.  He blows my mind sometimes.  I don't know how bad it's suppose to get before he realizes that he needs a blessing.  Doesn't he know that he is just delaying things?  I should have insisted that Kyle and Chance go down to the hospital that first day when Kevin was sleeping so much to give him a blessing.  Then he wouldn't have had much say about it and it would be done.  

There has been one good thing come from Kevin being in he hospital this last time.  He actually asks for water to drink now.  Before I would have to talk him into it.  Now he knows how important drinking water can be.  He knew that before but I don't think he understood just how important it is for someone in his condition.  He has to drink more water!  I'm just glad I don't have to convince him of this anymore.  Yay!  

I received a call from our Bishop around noon today to tell me to come pick up our little Trekkie.  They were home finally!  I hurried and got dressed in my yoga pants and slippers and headed up to the church.  Thankfully when I got there I didn't even have to get out of the car.  Lexi was right there with the Duke family waiting for me.  She loaded up her stuff and we were home within just a few minutes.  Late last night I made two pans of enchiladas.  Lexi came home ate two plates of enchiladas, took a hot shower, and now she is laying down in bed.  She is worn out!  She said she didn't eat much on the trek because she was so tired each night.  She said they had a dance that first night and she and the other girls in her group didn't even go.  They just went to bed.  She said last night they all fell asleep around 7:30 because they all thought it was at least ten at night.  She said they kept pretty warm at night with the heaters in their tents.  I was glad for that.  I was worried that she would come home sick since she seems to be more prone to catch what ever is going around at the time.  Lexi said her trek family got along well.  She said the men and young men insisted on pushing and pulling the handcart so the women didn't have to.  She said there were some trek families that would fight, but her trek family didn't have any trouble getting along at all.  I'm so glad.  Her trek parents said they wanted to get together for a nice dinner sometime soon too.  Lexi had a smile on her face when she left and a smile on her face when she returned.  All in all, I'd say she had a great time and that is awesome!

This afternoon Danielle will be coming over to help Kevin figure out the settings on his phone.  He has had this thing for a while now and he still doesn't know how to use it.  It was using 4 different languages at once. Crazy!  He had Danielle come by a while ago to help him understand a few things and now he wants to do it again.  The man makes me laugh.  Danielle also needs to pick up her present from my brother and his family as well.  It will be good to see her now that the holidays are over.  ~smile~smile~

Time for a little Meme.......

In celebration of Debbie Reynolds

1. In this song,Tammy sings of being able to hear "the breeze from the bayou." What sounds can you hear as you answer these questions? 

Our dog barking in the backyard begging to come back inside and the sound of cars and people out front since I have the window in the family room open.  AND the plunking of computer keys as  I type.  Once in a while I hear a bird chirping too.  

2. This week's song was the theme of a popular movie about a girl who grew up on a houseboat in Mississippi. Looking back on 2016, did you spend much time on or around water?

Yes, we did!  We made a trip to Big Fork, Montana for an Open House for our oldest daughter and her new husband shortly after they got married.  We stayed in a house right on the lake.  Now, Kevin and I want to buy a place on a lake some place.  Kevin wants to move to the Poconos in Pennsylvania, but realistically I think some place up north would be easier on the both of us.  The Poconos is beautiful and there are some awesome places there, but it gets too cold during the winter and it's too far away from our children.  Here's are some photos of us on the deck outside the house we stayed at in Montana.

3. In addition to being an Oscar-nominated actress, this week's artist, Debbie Reynolds, was a big movie fan. She amassed an amazing cache of movie memorabilia. Do you collect anything?

I don't collect anything like memorabilia, but I do collect crafty type things.  In fact, I'm trying to get rid of a lot of them.  Kevin and Kyle collect sports memorabilia together.  Kevin has quite the collection already.  

4. Though she never won a competitive Oscar for acting, Debbie Reynolds was awarded the Academy's Jean Hersholt Humanitarian Award earlier this year for 60 years of charity work. While she supported many causes throughout her life, one she was closest to was The Girl Scouts. She was not only a Scout herself, she was a leader when daughter Carrie was young and a fundraiser throughout her life. Were you ever in Boy or Girl Scouts?

Nope, I was never a Girl Scout.  I was a Brownie at one point when I was in Elementary School, but that didn't last very long.  My father, brother, husband, his father, his brothers, and our boys were Boy Scouts though.  They were in a troop sponsored by the church we belong to.  I think the church would have supported the Girl Scouts if they didn't already have a program in place for young women and the Girl Scouts didn't promote abortion.  The church seriously considered walking away from the Boy Scouts recently because of some of their recent decisions as well.  Every LDS ward has their own troop.  In the United States alone there are more than 437,000 LDS boys registered in nearly 38,000 church Cub Scout packs, Boy Scout troops, and Venturing crews.  In fact, our church has been affiliated with the Boy Scouts for over 102 years and would have left the relationship they have had since 1913 because of their stand on certain issues.  While our church accepts gay scouts in troops and gay men in leadership positions, we do not condone same-sex marriages or acting upon same-sex attractions. 

6. The New Year's Eve fireworks celebrations in both Disney World in Florida and Sydney, Australia coordinate pyrotechnics and music. Are you expecting either fireworks or live music on your New Year's Eve celebration?

Our New Year's Eve celebration is going to consist of everyone in my family sleeping while I clean and watch movies.  Kevin is running a slight fever again.  I told him if it gets any worse he was going back to the hospital.  When they admitted him he had a 102 degree temp.  Usually someone with sepsis they run a low grade fever.  So, we are watching him very closely tonight.  Lexi on the other hand is flat out passed out after the Trek.  She probably won't wake up until very early tomorrow morning.  

7. According to the National Insurance Bureau, more cars are stolen on New Year's Eve than any other single day. Are you confident your vehicle(s) will be  safe and sound this Saturday night?

Pretty confident.  All of our neighbor's are home and will be going in and out of their homes most of the night, so I feel pretty good about it.  Of course, you can never be 100% sure someone won't do something.  

8. Do you have any New Year's Resolutions for 2017? 

Nothing specific other than just get back to my clean eating again.  With all that has happened with me being sick and Kevin being in the hospital I kind of put things on hold until things calm down a bit.  I plan to start up again tomorrow or Monday.  I'm excited about doing that!

9. Looking back on 2016, what surprised you?

2016 has been a very rough year for us.  However, there was a lot that surprised me in some very amazing ways.  I'd first have to say, I was surprised with how amazing our Bishop and our Relief Society President were this entire year.  They really helped me personally out so much!  I was also amazed at how much my family stepped in to help.  They were amazing as well.  We were also surprised with how some people treated us in a negative way as well.  The one thing we have all learned this year is who "our people" really are.  In my opinion, the ones that walked away from us are missing out and it's their loss for making that choice.

Here is hoping 2017 is much kinder to all of us,.....and that we are all much kinder to each other.

Well, I need to get going.  Kevin needs a little help.  Take care my friends and we will talk again soon.  HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

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