Wednesday, November 30, 2016

Hump Day!

This past Thanksgiving weekend was rough.  I spent much of it in a major "funk" due to my illness.  I really thought I was going to die Thanksgiving day, but as you can see that didn't happen and I am hopeful now that I will actually get better soon.  Funny how that happens if you can just hold on and get through the initial "funky" feeling.

I'm not proud of this, but I've been known to allow the behavior of others to get to me and I tend to wallow in the hurt and anger for a good while before asking my Heavenly Father to help me out of the muck.  If only I would turn to Him from the beginning I would save myself a lot of grief, but I tend to not remember how much He can and will help as I wallow if I just ask. 

You see for some time now I have always been the person who has felt completely invisible around certain groups and situations.  I know what you are thinking, that is such a horrible feeling.  It is, unfortunately, one I am very familiar with.  People make me feel that way a lot.  Some of the women at church, co-workers, even family.  I have often tried to enter the conversations going on around me, but can't get a word in.  Or I will be talking to someone and they will just turn away and talk to someone else like I wasn't even talking.  Or I say something to someone and they don't hear me.  I am the person that no one seeks out....unless they want something from me or they are angry at me and want to let me know it.  

Over the past several months I have spent some time reading articles online about women who have felt invisible.  There are tons of articles so there must be a lot of us out here feeling this way.  One of the articles I read was a list of traits that charismatic people have (the popular people everyone wants to be around share) and I have to admit those are not me.  These traits are:

  • Radiating self-assurance through non-verbals.  In other words, they appear confident.  They carry themselves with good posture, they don't act unsure of themselves, they are decisive, they appear calm when they don't know something...knowing that life will go on and it will be okay.
  • They speak their mind.  They don't worry over what the other person will think of them or let that stop them from speaking up in conversations.  They don't over analyze what they say, think, or do.  (They definitely don't let everyone think it's okay when they are seething)
  • They appear natural.  They are confident, at ease, sure of themselves.
  • They are comfortable with discomfort.  Everyone feels uncomfortable at times, but the popular people just don't show it.  They know that people only see what you let them see and they choose a confident persona.
  • They are 100 percent present.  They know how to make the other person feel wanted and listened to.  (I know a couple people like this.  I call them the "talkers".  They are a pro at this if they want the attention of someone.  In fact, I find they tend to monopolize certain people and conversations.  Of course, I also believe they take this to unhealthy levels of sucking up and ego-stroking.  The hard part is that most people eat this kind of behavior up with a spoon!
That's just the beginning of the list, but in this short list I see so much that I have to work on.  There is also another area I absolutely have to work on.  My weight.  I need to change things for health reasons, but I also need to change for reasons of invisibility.  I don't care what anyone says, people treat you differently when you are overweight.  They make snap judgments about the kind of person you are and many automatically decide your worth as a human being is somehow less because you carry a few extra pounds on your body.  Sad, yes.  That is the truth! is a new day.  A new beginning.  A fresh start.  I am determined to gain substance, to lose the cloak of invisibility, and to get healthy.  I have asked my Heavenly Father to give me strength, to take away any desire I have to eat unhealthy foods, and steel my resolve in practicing the above traits.  I am determined to try to remember that how I react to others behavior is far more important than getting even or stepping down to their level.  In the words of my husband who always tries to remind me, "I am better than that, and rise above it."  I love that man.  One step at a time is how I plan to work on these things.  A little here and a little there.  Trading bad habits for good a little at a time and improving more and more as I go.

We received a letter, two videos and three pictures from Elder Schmidt today.  Here they are. We'll start with the videos....

Hey Everyone,

This week we got some rain.  Lots of rain.  Especially yesterday and today.  Yesterday we set another baptismal date!  We have 5 now.  Some are going to need to be postponed because people need to come to church.  

Today we're gonna do tons of shopping and load up on food like squirrels for winter.  Ha Ha.  This week was pretty busy and I'm dang tired.  Next week we will probably set up some time for Skype.  Dang, it's my last one!  That's insane.  Pretty soon I'm gonna  have to start going to the meetings for dying missionaries.  Ha ha.  Crazy!  Anyways, hope you all are doing good.


Elder Schmidt
Sent from my iPad

Early this morning Kyle moved out a couple of things to the street so the city could come and pick them up.  He moved out some things a few weeks back and this second trip was for the remaining things.  I love their curb side service and it only costs a few bucks.  Who can beat that?  A friend of mine has had one of those big giant dumpsters dropped off to her home and she moves things into it as she goes, which is another great service the city offers.  BUT, it can get a little pricey.  So, we stick with the curb side service and it only costs an extra $20 on your water bill instead of the $200 - $300 the dumpster can run.  All I had to do was call and make the appointment, and thanks to Kyle I don't even have to move anything.  He does all of that for me.  Honestly, I don't know what I'd do without him.  He has been a huge help with all of that and I so appreciate that.  When he was done moving everything to the curb, he also helped Lexi get her mattress set up in her room.  We got the kids new mattresses because their old ones were falling apart and needed to be replaced.  We ordered from a local company called Tuft and Needle right here in Phoenix.  They shipped everything to our home and the mattresses arrived in a box so all we had to do was open the box.  Lexi had been waiting for this second curb pick up to have her old mattress removed so she could open her new one.  As soon as Kyle got the old one outside and the new box opened Lexi made her bed and went right to sleep.   She came out of her room around six this morning and said she really liked her new mattress.  She said it was super comfortable.  We also got one for Curtis, but his will stay in the box until he comes home.  I want his to stay sealed in the box and that way it will be nice and fresh for him when he gets home.  So, we have one more giant box to get rid of in a few months.  

Tonight Lexi will be going on a combined Priest and Laurel activity.  They are going to Chandler Airport to take a ride in an airplane to see the Temple lights tonight.  It should be pretty cool and I know she is looking forward to going.  I just need to remember to sign her permission slip.  I'm excited for her to go.  In fact, I wish I could go with them.  It sounds like fun, but the cold air isn't good for me right now and I doubt the leaders would appreciate me trying to tag along.  LOL!  

 It's only noon and I feel like I've run a marathon even though I haven't moved from my spot on the living room couch except to look out the window to see everything Kyle put out on the curb had been picked up.  I'm still pretty congested and coughing at all hours of the day and night.  It has gotten better though.  I can say that, and I am very grateful for that.  There is hope this will actually go away.  Yay!

When I saw my doctor yesterday again he asked me if I had the chance to get the ultrasound done of the left side of my throat yet.  Of course, I haven't yet.  I told him I was just waiting to be able to breathe and not cough and hack on the poor tech in imaging center.  He said, they were use to it so don't let that stop me.  He made me think I need to get that done sooner than later.  I of course checked my neck out in the mirror at home and could actually see what he was talking about.  Funny how I never noticed that before.  He looked me over once again and said it still looked swollen but the swelling had come down a little since he saw me last and it was still obvious something wasn't right and it needs to get checked out.  I could tell he was trying not to scare me, but he was concerned.  I think he is worried it will be something to do with my thyroid or something.  Arg!  So, I will set up that appointment this afternoon.  Hopefully for the evening hours or a weekend.  I am still hopeful it will turn out to me nothing and all will be okay.  My hope is that its just a swollen lymph node due to this sickness I have and nothing more.  Time will tell.  

I should get going.  Take care my friends and we will talk again soon.

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