My birthday was a few months ago. Since then not much has changed. Things are pretty much status quo.
I'd say the Book of Mormon. That book has done more for me than any other book on the face of the earth. I love it.
Are any on this list your current hobbies? Which hobby on the list would you be most inclined to try?
I come from a family that watched some sports. Not all. I think my parents preferred old westerns, war movies, documentaries, and the movie classics. My husband, on the other hand, grew up watching all sports that were on. It didn't matter what it was. Once in a while he would watch something other than sports. I guess this is why I can never get him to go to the movies with me now. If it was March and nothing was in season he might have watched something like ping pong or cliff diving. In my opinion, if they keep score in any way, Kevin will watch it. For me, I love an occasional sporting event. My favorites are hockey and basketball. Once in a while baseball. Football is my least favorite. So when football season starts and Kevin and my boys want to watch the game I usually leave the room and go do something else or watch something other than football.
Remember me mentioning that large seventy million dollar issue I had at work that I helped resolve. Well, today I got a message that one tiny little piece of the issue still needed to be resolved. Keep in mind, this is for a multi-billion dollar client. So, pretty important. Needless to say, I spent a little time working to resolve this tiny piece today. I knew there was a reason I kept all my notes close just in case something came up. I'm so glad I did because it helped to speed up the resolution. I love it when that still small voice whispers and I listen....what a blessing! You see, normally I would discard or delete certain things once issues are resolved so as to keep things nice and tidy and organized. This one, for some reason, made me not do what I normally do. Thankfully the issue should be taken care of by Monday and that should be the last of it. (I'll probably still hang on to my notes until at least the end of the year just to be sure all is well.)
I have to say, I really do enjoy what I do for a living. There is always something new to learn and things are always happening. Never a dull moment. That is a good thing. I love the people I work with, my boss is amazing! Last night we all cleared off our desks so the cleaning staff could come and deep clean our offices. Well, we work in an office with 2500 people in it. Unfortunately that is to many offices for the cleaning staff to get to in one evening and our area got missed and we totally understand. Well, my boss, seeing that our areas got missed, got out her cleaning supplies and cleaned each one of our offices for us. How awesome is that?! So many times you have bosses that feel that certain tasks are beneath them, but not my boss. She will do whatever it takes. I love that about her and it makes me appreciate her more than ever! She has been a huge blessing to our team. We have learned a lot and we all seem to be working better as a team now. Plus, she is working to promote me. That makes me super happy! If all goes well, that should happen about the time Curtis gets home from his mission. If I wouldn't have had to be out so much right after Kevin's SCI it probably would have happened at the beginning of this year, but I couldn't help that. Family first! I am so grateful she is doing everything she can to help me reach that goal. What more could I ask for?
As soon as I got home from work I ran to Target with Kyle. He wanted to get a couple pairs of socks and he picked up some things to make sandwiches. Before we left, I called in a couple prescription refills for Kevin. By the time we got home from Target both prescriptions were ready so Lexi and I ran down to Walgreen's to pick them up. Lately it seems that we have been running to two Walgreen's to pick up everyone's prescriptions which isn't that big of a deal, but the one Walgreen's seems to be a lot more pleasant to work with, even though they are the ones that made that big mistake and shorted Kevin on that one prescription several months back and I had to move heaven and earth to get them to fix it, I still think they are the better place. They have been very nice to work with and I appreciate that more than ever, especially since Kevin has some pretty intense medications we are dealing with. The other location just seemed to not be as nice. So, tonight when I was at the Walgreen's I like I asked the pharmacist how we could go about moving the entire family over to their location. He said just let us know which prescriptions you want to move and we will do it. Then he asked me if I wanted him to keep our debit card on file so they could set it up so that whenever Kevin had future prescriptions to pay for we could make the payment over the phone and then all we had to do was to pick it up. How cool is that? I like that option of being able to pick and choose which ones we pay on the phone and which ones we don't. Love it!!
Once I got home I was ready to be home. Wednesday I made the mistake of drinking a glass of Mountain Dew with dinner. Big mistake! I probably had less than 12 ounces of Mountain Dew. If I had to guess it was probably more like 8 ounces. That night I couldn't fall asleep to save my life. I tossed and turned and finally remember checking the clock for the last time just after 12:30AM. The next day I was pretty tired. I made it through work okay, but once I got home I was ready to call it day. Well, I scheduled a doctor's appointment for 5PM that night.
My doctor is amazing! Since Kevin's SCI a lot has changed around our home. Kevin is set up in the master bedroom and has pretty much taken over the entire room. In fact, I have moved out all of my clothing, the things I use in the master bathroom to do my hair and make-up, all of my jewelry, and I pretty much do not have a space to call my own now. I am like a gypsy in my own home moving from place to place with all of my belongings. I kid you not. In fact, all of my stuff is hung over chairs in my dining room and on the coffee table in my living room because I don't have a place to put it all. In fact, I blow dry my hair while sitting on the couch in my living room simply because the guest bathroom is too steamy after my shower. So, because all of my stuff is everywhere and I don't have a place to put it all, it's been hard. I was talking to my doctor about some of these things and how I didn't want people in my home to see the piles of clothing and other things all over my dining room chairs and coffee table. I explained that I don't want anyone coming into my home until I had all of that put away in a spot and things were "company clean". It's an issue for me. I know. I don't want to give anyone any more stuff to talk about because I don't want to be the topic of their conversations and their nit picking. I can't help that. I know I will never have the perfect situation in my lifetime and no matter what, people are going to talk, even if my house is "company clean". BUT, at least if they talk, I will know that I have done everything within my power and then if they talk it's on them and it's their problem. My doctor and I talked about this for a bit. She said it's time to get myself a space in my home and make it my own. She said I do EVERYTHING for EVERYONE in this family and I deserve my own space. I make the money. I pay the bills. I cook. I clean. I am the one everyone comes to when they need something and I am not placing enough value on myself by allowing myself to not have my own space. She said I need to work on placing more value on ME. I about burst into laughter when she said that. I guess because I never thought of it like that. She is also helping me to create boundaries and distancing myself from certain people and situations in my life as a way to preserve myself and allow myself to deal with everything that has fallen squarely on my shoulders because it is a lot. She even said, because of all that I deal with, she hasn't even begun to do some of the things she normally does with her other patients. She said what I am dealing with is way too much! I appreciate her insight so much because she is absolutely right. Certain relationships are smothering for me right now and I need to step away and not be around that right now. AND I will say, that has been the hardest thing ever for me because that is not what I have been taught and what I know to be right in a healthy situation. Key word, healthy. She said if someone was physically hurting one of my children what would I do? I told her I would take my child out of that situation. She said, exactly!!! You would get them as far away from that to prevent your child from being hurt more and get them to where they can heal from the hurt that was caused. She said the same thing is true for someone when the same type of thing happens when there is things like mental anguish involved. You have to take yourself out of that situation in order to allow yourself time to heal and get stronger so you can move on and hopefully be able to eventually be around that situation later on, but sometimes if the damage is really bad you may not be able to be around that situation ever again. It just depends on the damage done. Now, for me, I'm sure eventually I will be back in that situation some time down the road, but for now I have to keep my distance and create certain barriers to give myself time to deal with everything in my own family and give myself time to get to a better place. I just don't need to added drama and pressure that comes from that situation...my plate is full and spilling over. You know, these are not things I didn't already know. I knew this situation wasn't healthy all along. BUT, by working with my doctor and her helping me to see and understand that what I was feeling and experiencing is not right or okay and she is teaching me that it is okay to say NO and I don't have to feel guilty about it. It's okay to NOT do certain things in an effort to preserve sanity around our home and allow my entire family time to heal because lets face it....ALL of us are going through a grieving process right now. We, like Kevin, are all grieving the husband and father we use to have. A lot has changed about Kevin and the things that he can or cannot do now. It isn't easy for any of us. My doctor said it takes a good full year for everyone to begin to feel somewhat normal again after something like this and everyone involved goes through a certain amount of grieving. Honestly, I knew it would be hard. I just never dreamed it would effect all of us so drastically and profoundly. It really has taken it's toll on all of us and if we did not have the blessings we have in our lives who knows where we would be right now. I cannot stress this enough! Our ability to get through this difficult time has come from the things we have all been taught in our parents homes, in our home as parents together, and what we have tried to teach our children, which everything has been centered around the gospel of Jesus Christ and the blessings that come from trying to remain true an faithful. I love the saying, "I never said it would be easy, I only said it would be worth it." This quote referring to the trials we experience in this earthly life in order to someday be found worthy to return to live with our Heavenly Father in the celestial kingdom. That is what this earth life is really all about. Working together, teaching each other, learning together, helping each other through the difficult times, and making sure we ALL make it back to our Heavenly Father. I also like the picture that use to hang above my living room couch of the stripling warriors. (We took the picture down so we could use the doors it hung on for my daughter's wedding reception and I just haven't put it back up yet....I relocating it to our dining room) In the picture the captain is taking a report from one of the soldiers and the soldier reports, "All present and accounted for." That is what I want my husband and I to be able to say when we stand before him at judgement that our little family is ALL present and accounted for. No, this trial has not been easy. No, this trial has not been anything we would wish on our worst enemies. Yes, we have our bad moments when we want to run screaming from the building saying I'm done and I can't do this anymore, but realistically, we know that is never the option. We are in this as a family together forever, for always, and no matter what! AND that means with all of our good times and all of our bad. To-ge-ther! All of us.
After that appointment the other day, I ran an errand and got gas in my car. Once I was home I was home. I must have finally fell asleep last night by about 9PM, which is pretty late seeing as how I get up at 4AM each morning to make it to work on time. Tonight, I'm feeling the same way I did last night. I'm ready to go to bed and it's only 7PM. How crazy is that?? Lexi didn't want anything special for dinner and she just had some left overs. I had some of the same thing Lexi had so I was good to go. Before Lexi and I ran to pick up prescriptions I made Kevin a sandwich and he was good to go. Tonight I think he will be sleeping soundly, or at least I hope he will be. These prescriptions help with the nerve pain. They are not the same medicines he sees a pain specialist for. The medications we see a pain specialist for, Kevin won't let me refill. He wants to wait for social security to kick in first. He is being stubborn and I have tried and tried to let him know that those prescriptions do not cost thousands of dollars now that we have almost met all of our deductibles for the year. He still won't do it. I also think he wants to see if the doctor can change up the medications for something a little different. Something a little less strong and I am perfectly A-okay with that. Frankly, I prefer that. I don't like him taking all of those controlled medications anyway. They make him loopy and he doesn't need any help with that. That is his "tell" when things are not good. I can always tell Kevin isn't feeling well when he is loopy right now or he starts to slip out of bed over and over again. That is when I know it's time to get him some help and it comes on quick. I have to monitor him a lot. We use to go running to the bedroom every time we heard a loud noise. Now we just ask Kevin if he is okay. If he doesn't answer within a minute or two, then we go running. So see, things are getting a little better. We aren't in panic mode with every noise anymore. That's a good thing. We are starting to get the hang of thing a little more. Sure, there will be things that come along I'm sure I'll have plenty of freak out moments along the way. Thankfully there are others who have been through this kind of thing before and who will be there to help us all every step of the way and that is an incredible blessing!
Tonight Kyle is off playing games with a couple of the officers he works with, a couple of the dispatchers, and a couple of the police aides. He won't be home until late an then his work week starts again tomorrow. He needs to get out and have some fun so this kind of thing is encouraged by Kevin and I. I think he could also benefit from taking an institute class while he has a little extra time. He didn't sign up for classes this semester because his work schedule was going (or still could be) changed. He is working at the Central Phoenix location right now and he was trying to get back to the main campus. He likes being busy and going out on campus and meeting the students and going on calls with the officers and doing the kind of work he wants to be doing. Right now his job consists of sitting at a desk that was never something Kyle wanted to be doing. At least this schedule isn't permanent and will change eventually. Kyle told me the other day that once he goes through the academy he will graduate from the academy with an associates degree which thrills me! He of course, would continue on to finish with at least a bachelor's degree. Of course it would be in criminology. I love that he enjoys what he does, even when he is sitting at a desk. Since he started this job, he hasn't missed a single day. Sure, he took a vacation day when Danielle got married to attend the temple ceremony but that has been it. He loves his work. I for one, love what I do as well, but if someone were to offer me enough money to be able to not work and stay home and take care of my husband and children I don't think it would take me very long to make the decision to become a stay at home wife and mother. I'm sure there are things about being a stay at home wife and mother that I will hate, but I at least would like the opportunity to find those things out for myself. Know what I mean??
This weekend I had planned to head over to Peoria to pick up something from a friend, but my stomach is a mess. So, that may have to wait. Danielle and I are suppose to get together to bake that apple pie this Sunday, but that to may have to wait. More to come on all of that......
Are you still with me?
I'm sure you have probably read enough, right?
Well, it's been a busy week and I think I just might watch a movie and head off to bed. Take care my friends and we will talk again soon.