Friday, June 17, 2016

Five Minute Friday - Want

Five Minute Friday is this freeing experience of writing on a particular topic for just five minutes, unedited, just writing, not worrying, spilling out you heart with whatever inspires you.  So, give it a try.  Come on now, you can do it!  Let you heart fly and your fingers freely type for five minutes.  GO!!!!
This week's word is:  

Want....I want to be free.  Free of debt.  I'm not sure how quickly that will happen, but I also want the means to free myself of all debt too.  

I want my husband to have what he wants.  He wants to be free of pain and be able to walk again and have feeling below his waist.  I want that for him more than ever!  I want my happy husband back.  I also want my husband to get better now.....he has been sick.  He was really bad yesterday and so far today.  He was in so much discomfort he was throwing up.  When it bothers him that much he needs help.  I want him out of pain and in better spirits and feeling better.  I hate seeing him like this.     

I want someone to help us get answers and hold the surgeon responsible for his actions in causing Kevin's paralysis.  Something needs to be done! Plus, I don't want to see this happen to another person either.  Today in the mail we received all of Kevin's medical records.  That was fast!  I just talked to the lady yesterday.  This weekend I will be sending the records to someone across the country to review them.  I am just grateful they are willing to help us.  Thank you!

I want Social Security to finally make a decision in our favor and back date their decision to the date Kevin gave them.  That would be awesome!  That would help stop some of this "madness" we are dealing with.  It would relieve a lot of the stress Kevin feels and it would certainly help me to stop stressing too. Less stress is always a good thing.  ~smile~

I want Kyle to be able to buy a car.  I want him to stop having to help us and use his money for that and school.  Believe me, I totally appreciate all he does for us.  He has been awesome!  We are blessed with awesome kids, awesome family, and awesome friends.  

I want to be able to buy our own home with cash, and not have monthly payments.  I know, that's a bit of a pipe dream of mine, but this is a post about the things I want.  My son was telling me about one of his friends that is a newly wed.  They both work, but the husband buys and sells cars on the side.  From what Kyle says, they saved enough money to purchase a mobile home for $20K.  Then they put the mobile home on a patch of land some of their family owns.  Since they do not have a mortgage to pay, they have now been able to save about $150K towards the purchase of a new home.  How cool is that??!!  They've only been married for a short time, the do not have any kids, and they are better off than most older adults that I know.  Pretty awesome, isn't it?!!  Way to go young couple for saving and staying out of debt!  Love it.

I want for the issues with my car to not be something that causes my mechanic to pull his hair out, or to be a nightmare as he put it.  Holy cow!  The mechanic called today and said the issue with the car is a bigger job than he initially thought it would be.  He said he can get the check engine light to turn off, but then it just comes back on again.  He says he has changed our oil three times.  It's a cam sensor causing all the grief.  He said to fix it completely would require taking the engine apart and cleaning it out and that would take a lot of time and cost a lot more money.  We are at between $600-$1000 in repairs right now.  So, we all agree, he is going to get the code cleared and get it through emissions for us.  If that works we are good for another two years.  Ultimately, we may need to trade off the car in the next two years.  We'll cross that bridge when the time comes.  Right now, all we need is to get our car drivable again.  I am so grateful for his help and everyone involved in helping us with this and I am so grateful my daughter has let us use her car through all of this.  I know that hasn't been easy on her.  

I want to be free of the fear that was instilled in me since I was a little girl.  Not good enough.  She does this better than you.  Your 4th grade craft isn't the best.  She sings better than you.  She's younger than you.  I choose her.  These are some of the things I experienced during Elementary School, Junior High, and High School that still stick with me into adulthood.

I want to be free to know that I am valued and loved, and to feel free to love fully in return, to have no doubts.  To be able to go out in public without feeling inadequate and imperfect, or without all of my shortcomings being rubbed in my face and ripping out my heart.  

I want to have value to those that say they love me.  I've prayed to be shown my value to my Heavenly Father and to others around me.  I know I don't have some incurable plague.  I do have value.  I know that I am a daughter of God and if I am worth that much to Him, who are you to try to determine my value?  And why is it so important to me to be valued by you?  

I want an answer to this question and an end to the fear and heartache and uncertainty.  I want and need a place of safety here on this earth.  I want to be free of the fear of desertion.  I want peace.  I want love.  Not judgment.  

I want to go see that new movie Me Before You, but I'm afraid it will send me over the edge into an uncontrollable crying fit, because of the story line.  I'm afraid it will hit too close to home.  This is what the movie is about...
"Young and quirky Louisa "Lou" Clark moves from one job to the next to help her family make ends meet. Her cheerful attitude is put to the test when she becomes a caregiver for Will Traynor, a wealthy young banker left paralyzed from an accident two years earlier.  Will's cynical outlook starts to change when Louisa shows him that life is worth living.  As their bond deepens, their lives and hearts change in ways neither one could have imagined. 

A Rambling thought.......
We heard a big truck stop outside of our home.  It was dark out, but I could barely make out the image of a UPS truck in front of our house through the peep hole in our front door and through our security door.  We didn't have our front porch light on.  Once he was done making his delivery I told Lexi to go see what he left.  I was expecting a box for Kyle or something, or maybe a letter size envelope...not what we found.  Come to find out it was this huge box.  I'm talking the size of a small refrigerator box.  It was huge and heavy.  Lexi and I tried and tried to pick up the box to bring it into the house, but we ended up having to slide it by pushing it, and we finally got it inside.  We opened the box to find the pieces to put this together....

I took the booklet into Kevin in our bedroom.  There was no card or anything with the box.  Once Kevin saw the booklet, he asked for the cell phone so he could call the person responsible for sending this.  It was his Mom and this was a total surprise!  You see, Kevin's birthday is Monday.  Kevin and his Mom talked for about 1/2 an hour while Lexi and I tried to get the scooter out of the box in our living room.  Kevin told his Mom he wasn't even sure he could use one of these since the seat was so small or that he could even maneuver himself to be able to sit on the seat.  His body just doesn't move that way anymore.  Lexi and I got most of it out of the box, but couldn't get the base of it out.  We had to wait for Kyle to get home.  Kyle got home around 9 p.m. and as soon as he did he put the scooter together.  The battery was charged and so it was time to give it a try.  Kevin managed to get into his wheelchair and come out to the living room.  Kevin has been in so much pain and weak that I didn't think he would be able to come out.  Well, he did it and was able to get from the wheelchair to the scooter, which was awesome!  Then Kyle and Lexi had to go and test drive the scooter themselves out front. They took it outside and rode around on the street in front of our house for a bit.  Now the scooter is charging in our living room.  Kevin said maybe once he is up and around that we could go on walks at night or something.  We will see.  I will say this, he had a big smile on his face when he sat on it.  I haven't seen that smile in a while. That smile was worth making him get up to try to sit on the seat.  Right after sitting on the scooter, Kevin went right back to bed and he fell asleep and actually slept a bit last night.  That is always a good thing!  He hasn't been able to sleep lately.  That's usually the first sign something is wrong and that Kevin is about to have a rough patch......that is exactly what happened.  I'm hoping Kevin will want to try out his scooter more this weekend.  It would do him good to get outside in the fresh air, at night of course.  Not during the hot part of the day.  I just want Kevin to feel better about himself and everything else in his own skin.  Know what I mean?!?!

I should go.  Take care my friends and we will talk again soon.  

AND here are a few funnies.......

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