Thursday, October 9, 2014

A little bit of this, and a little bit of that.

I know these posts have been a bit depressing and I do apologize for that.  However, I feel like I need to get it out.  It's therapeutic for me.  Anyway, here is an update...

This has shaped up to be a week of waiting.  You know the hurry up and wait kind.  Waiting for all kinds of things, but most of all waiting for doctor's and insurance to approve an MRI for Kevin and then hurry up and get him to it.  I sincerely hope they do not find anything.  We do not want another surgery.  BUT....if we have to, we have to.  You see, Kevin has been having these "tremors", for lack of a better word for them.  What seemed like his whole left side has moved to his whole body.  He just shakes.  Tonight he got out of bed to go to the restroom and his entire body shook as he took each step.  Not good.  Of course, I have no idea what this really means, but hopefully it's either nothing or something they can fix right away.  With some non-surgical method as well.

I have to say, I am beginning to become a little freaked out by all of this.  This morning Kevin finally fell asleep between the time I got out of bed and came back to the bedroom after my shower.  When I got to the bedroom he was laying on his back with his mouth wide open and he was breathing very slowly.  In fact, it was too long between breaths.  I had to wake him up because I thought it was far too long between breaths.  He reminded me of his father right before he passed away.  Kevin has had similar expressions on his face in the past and now recently that remind me of that time.  It's a little scary!  Or he will just look really pale or almost gray some days.  That is when I freak out a little.  I don't even want to think about that.  UGH!   

It's interesting to me...I was talking to our old Bishop and his wife after work.  They walked across the street to thank me for telling them about the little spot we found at the airport when Kyle left on his mission.  We were able to sit and watch Kyle's plane leave the terminal from our little spot. Well, this family took our advice and went to our little spot to see if they could find the plane their son was leaving from too.  As it turns out their son was in the very first plane, closest to the window, and they got to watch as the planes left.  I was happy they got to stay and watch the plane leave.  That was really nice for our family when Kyle left.  It's hard to just drop your son off at the TSA area and not stay to watch them actually leave the terminal or as the plane takes off.  I "no likey" the new security at the airports these days just for that reason.  It's hard on families with missionaries leaving.  Really hard!

As I was talking to this couple, they asked what they could help us with.  Or as they put it, "What I will let them help out with."  Then tonight our Bishop said the same thing...."We want to help out with the things you will let us help with."  I guess I finally realized that I tend to NOT ask for help, don't I?  I just keep taking on things along the way like getting a son prepared for a mission, a wedding, work, and now Kevin's illness.  All of which can weigh me down, but I never open my mouth and ask for help.  I honestly never even thought about it.  I just thought we have to do what we have to do, and you get what you get, and you don't throw a fit.  I was merely trying to not throw the fits and not let myself get into a rut.  Sure if I think about everything going on as a burden then I am going to feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders.  BUT, I don't think of all of this stuff as weight.  Like a mission, a wedding.  Those are good things, even though they can be time consuming and bring added pressures.  It's the things I can't do that weigh me down, like working full-time and still not having enough to pay bills, or feeling so worn out I can't manage to get to the mission or wedding things.  Not to mention feel up to cooking a meal.  OR not having extra money to help out with the expenses for the wedding and mission.  I feel like such a loser parent because of all this.  After all, Kevin and I have been married for 27 years now and what do we have to show for it....A pile of bills and 4 awesome kids.  (don't get me wrong...awesome kids is a wonderful blessing!  I know.)  Not exactly the place we thought we would ever get to in life, that is for sure.  I wanted to own our own home, and spend time planning family get togethers and serve in as many callings in our ward as they would let me serve in.  I wanted our home to be the place to be at for our children and future grandchildren.   I wanted our kids to enjoy spending time at our home after they moved out.  Not feel like we were draining them or wearing them out because we need their help now.  Help with cleaning, help with yard work, help with everyday activities.  It gets so frustrating.  

Yet, on the other hand, I feel like I have had a lot of help along the way through this experience.  I think if you could see just how close Heaven is for each of us, you would see several people standing on my left side and on my right.  People here to hold me up.  People here to rally around ME.  People to literally lead me, guide me, and walk beside me.  I feel that very strongly because I know I normally would be freaking out any other time life got this hard.  I know without a doubt that there are angels here to buoy me up each and every moment of every day.  They are here with Kevin too.  Sometimes I think, if I could just close my eyes and open them very quickly, I would be able to see all of these people, but they are a lot faster than my eyelids are and I miss seeing them every time.  I know that these people have been sent to help us get through this time.  They are here because of prayers we have said, as well as prayers others have said in our behalf.  I also know that my Heavenly Father loves me very much.  Knowing that he not only hears my prayers, but the prayers of other people, said on our behalf, and then sends friends and family here upon the earth as well as those we know and love beyond the veil, to come running to help us.  What an amazing feeling it is to feel their strength.  Strength far beyond my own.  I know because this strength is not my own, I am not this strong, and this has to be coming from some other place, and there is no other explanation, except that this is a gift from my Heavenly Father.  What a blessing it is.  An amazing blessing indeed!   

Tomorrow is Friday!  We finally made it to the end of the week!  YES!  I am really looking forward to the weekend.  Not just to sleep in, but to have a moment to get some things done around the house.  

Here are a few odds and end questions....(these questions come from a column I read once in a while.  I'll share the link later...gotta find it.)

1. Do you manage your own money or do you have a financial planner who helps in some way? Do those kinds of conversations stress you out? A lot or a little? 
Are you kidding!  Kevin and I do not have a financial adviser.  Of course we manage our own money!  That statement just makes me laugh.  However, I know that for those that do have a lot of money, there is a lot of "i" dotting and "t" crossing that must be done to safeguard your finances.   You don't want to play around with these kinds of things and financial advisers can help you oversee all of it.   No, these types of conversations do not stress me out but, I certainly would not always understand the whys and wherefores of some discussions that's for sure.  But, I am glad there are people around to give added direction if our situation were to ever change and we needed help.  (honestly, I seriously doubt we will ever have the daunting task of finding someone to help us manage our finances.  LOL!)  Interesting question, though.

2. The second week of October is Pet Peeve Week. Off the top of your head, share TWO of your current pet peeves.
1. Going to Wal-Mart and the only check out lanes open are the self check out.  It aggravates the "daylites" out of me!
2. People sitting through red lights because they are busy texting. I mean, I'm glad they are stopped while they are texting but they need to pay attention to the light and GO when the light turns green. ~really~

 3. What is one thing you'd like to learn right now, this very week if you could?
I would love to know ALL the ins and outs of real estate, or owning my own business.  I would love to go back to school some day too.  I think it would be fun to help other people find their dream homes.  That just sounds exciting to me for some reason.  I know, there are so many real estate agents out there now a days.  I guess it wouldn't be about the money for me, it would be more about the fun in helping others.  

4. How concerned are you about the recent health related news concerning Ebola? How about Enterovirus D68?
Well, they are both very scary and so are many other health issues but I just do not let them consume my thoughts.  I try to wash my hands more times than the law allows in a given day.  And, I try to take care of myself as best I can and after that, what will be, will be.

5. Garfield, Nemo, or Tigger-your favorite orange cartoon character? 

Hands down, it would be Nemo.  He is just so cute.  Not to mention that Nemo has been like a poster child for me with his little song...."Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, swimming, swimming, swimming."  What can I say, its the little things that keep me going day to day.  Seriously!  

6. I'm going to see Gone Girl with my neighborhood book club this week. So often books made into film are disappointing. What's a book turned film you thought was well done, in that the casting was 'like you pictured' when you read the book, and the film plot remained mostly true to the book plot? 
I have not seen that many movies based on books but the one that immediately came to my mind was "The Help".  While, in my opinion, it was done well, it did not compare to the book.  When reading a book you get to make your own movie in your thoughts as you read and that type of movie can hardly be beat. ~grin~

7. What is one story your family always tells about you? 
Oh, there are several!  I had to ask my husband about this one.  He helped me pick one out to share....
One night right after Kevin and I got married, in fact we had been married for a very short time and we had been talking about scary movies.  I for one, do not like scary movies at all, and I won't watch them....EVER!  So, as we were laying there I heard him say Kill, Kill, Kill.  
(he swears to this day that he never said anything)  So, when I heard that I whacked him on the head with my arm.  I must have hit him pretty hard too.  But I was scared to death!  
It will never be forgotten I can assure you!  To this day, he asks me if I have whacked him in the middle of the night sometimes.  You know those times when you feel like you wake up sore.  I have only whacked him that one time. ~no joke~

The other story is pretty funny!  It was almost Christmas time and we had just moved into this house.  I always seem to get pictures on the walls right away when we move in, partly because I don't want them to get broken, and partly because I want our children to feel at home as soon as possible after we move in.  Setting up house always seems to make a house feel like a home faster than  sitting around with boxes everywhere.  Anyway, I happened to be standing on one of the chairs to our dining room table that had a leg lose.  I was reaching up over my head to hang something when the chair gave out and I fell to the ground.  Without skipping a beat, my kids sang this song to me, "Mom fell on her bum bum bum bum."  To the tune of The Little Drummer Boy.  Fitting since it was so close to Christmas.  Now, anytime I go to stand on something they sing that song to me just to remind me that they remember, and to remind me to be careful too.  :)

8. Insert your own random thought here. 

Lexi has been sharing some silly little jokes with me lately.  Here are a few of them....enjoy!
What did the ocean say to the other ocean?
Nothing.  They just waved.  :)

What do you call a man who never farts in public?  
A private tooter.  (get it, like tutor)

Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
Because it felt crumby.

Oh yeah, before I forget...Kyle's fiance' just sent me a text.  The wedding and reception plans are coming together nicely.  They just have a couple more things to take care of and we are good to go!  I'm excited for them.  Now I need to follow through on a couple of assignments I have been given too.  Then finish up my spray painting and chair covers and we will be ready until it's time to arrange the flowers.  Wedding invitations are almost ready to be mailed out too!  I know because I stuffed several envelopes last night.  Fun!  Fun!  These are exciting times!  :)
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