Thursday, July 10, 2014

Here Fishy, Fishy, Fishy

Ever have moments in your life when you felt like you lived in a fishbowl? 

I don't mean like the photo above where your neighbors are watching you kind of thing.  
I mean more like the photo below.  Where your entire life is open and exposed for everyone to take a looksy to see what you are up to.  See the poor fish on the floor.  I resemble that poor little fishy.  :)

My mom use to tell me that being pregnant was like living in a fishbowl because the doctor knew EVERYTHING about you.  She was right!  That's right, my mother was right about pregnancy! I believe there are other times in life that this analogy applies to as well.  For the past several weeks I have felt just like the little fish in the photo above.  Down for the count while everyone is looking.  It hasn't been fun and I fear the fun has only just begun.  Don't you just love the photo below.  LOL!  Yeah, that's me on the table.  Scared and white knuckle gripping the side of the bed, with my eyes wide open.


As some of you know, I have been having some fun of my own with doctors and things.  I use to think Kevin was the only "lucky" one in our family.  Apparently, I was wrong.  But really, I wasn't jealous.  I think my luck just ran out and it's my turn now to have a little "fun".  You know how that goes.  Speaking of fun...none of the procedures that were done recently have been fun.  My blood pressure shot way up the morning of the those lovely procedures.  Not to mention....that the symptoms have not been fun either....AND THE PREP.....OH!  We won't mention the prep.  I did find several little funny photos and jokes about those things, but I didn't think it would be appropriate to share.  They were just a bit over the top for me...and for you too.  I;m sure you can only imagine.  

My fear is they are going to end up having to do a liver biopsy.  Me and my liver say this....LET IT GO!  Don't do it!  Stay away from me!  Back away from this girl with that BIG GIANT needle!


If they want to do this, they will have to knock me out completely because I will not tolerate them coming at me with that thing!.  No way, no how!!!  I just can't do it.

I've had my gallbladder removed several years ago.  BUT my primary care doctor tells me I could still have stones blocking things and causing some of my problems.  So, my other fear is that they are going to want to do this scope thing to check.  Not like all the other kinds of scopes they do...another type. EEK!  I don't know which is worse...the liver biopsy or the scope of the ducts.  I have no idea how that all works or how they even do the scope thingy....and frankly, I'm not quite ready to find out.  Whatever the procedure is, it can't be fun.  Not at all!  YIKES!!!
All I can say is my symptoms are still here.  I do want answers, but at the same time I am afraid to find out.  Believe me, we know answers will come.  I'm just not sure how yet.  Ignorance can be bliss once in a while.  I am in that moment as we speak.  It's a tough call.  Yes, I want to know what the underlying problem is so we can treat that and ultimately stop my symptoms....BUT at the same time, I know the underlying problem could be really bad and I can't even wrap my head around that right now.  I can't even let myself touch on that now.  So, we will change the subject a little bit.

Things I am grateful for....my family!!!  The Priesthood and Priesthood blessings.  Good doctor's who really care and who always go above and beyond to find answers.  From my Primary Care Physicians Office to the Specialist!  This group of specialists helped to diagnose my father-in-law and found his diverticulitis and they treated him for that condition for years.  Then they were there again and diagnosed his liver cancer that eventually took him away from us.  This group of doctor's also found my husband's GERDS that resulted in surgery and his liver issues too.  This group of doctor's are amazing and I am grateful they do what they do.  I am in good hands and I have complete faith in them.  All along through this whole thing I have felt an overwhelming sense that my Heavenly Father has been here with me each step of the way.  I remember one night in particular when the weight of not knowing was getting the best of me.  That is when I felt and knew that my Heavenly Father was very much aware of what I was going through.  That is when I remember seeing this bright white light encircle me as I prayed to Him asking for help and peace.  I know for certain that answers will come.  I know that whatever those answers are we will be able to deal with whatever this is.  AND I know that my Heavenly Father knows me and loves me and that is an awesome blessing in my life....to know that he hears and answers my prayers.  Ah, I do not know what I would do without that knowledge.  It is wonderful.  Enough said
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