Today has been an interesting day. I had my procedures today. All went well. They found a couple things so biopsies have been taken. Now the wait for the lab to get back with the results. Apparently they are still checking for celiac and/or gluten sensitivities with one set of biopsies. They are checking for Barrett's disease and/or cancer with another set of biopsies. (part of my esophagus was a mess) And they found a polyp they are testing for cancer as well. You know the standard checking that is always done when biopsies are taken. Depending on the results that will determine where we go from here. I had no idea I could still have celiac. I thought my blood work was enough. Apparently not. This still doesn't explain the reasons why my liver is enlarged. They did more lab work but I haven't got the results yet. The liver thing could mean I had or have a virus that caused my liver issue. It could mean some type of hepatitis, mononucleosis, or ultimately some kind of cancer. Kevin is concerned about this. I think we all freak out a little when anyone has issues with their liver or kidneys in our family. We lost Kevin's father to liver cancer. I know my symptoms and the findings so far could mean so many different things so I am trying to not worry. All the blessings I have received tell me they will be able to determine what the issue is and it will be able to be dealt with and I will be able to get back to normal soon. (I'm really trying to NOT let fear creep in.) However, my only fear is that they will want to take a liver biopsy. If they decide to do that, they will have to knock me out completely for that one. There is NO WAY I will be able to sit still for that. BUT.......All in all, I'm feeling pretty good. My throat is a little sore and I am worn out this afternoon. I will say this....everyone I talked to about the procedures today were absolutely right! The prep was the hardest and I was just fine. Just like they said. I really appreciate all of you that have helped me get through this. It means a lot.
I also talked to someone about all of my symptoms I had. She has experienced the same things I've been dealing with and has done a lot of research and talked to a lot of doctors about her problem. It's interesting the things she knew about my issues that I didn't even mention to her. I plan to talk to her more soon, but I've learned a lot all ready in our brief conversation.
I know I haven't shared much on my blog lately, and I do apologize for that. Give me a couple more days to get up to speed again. With this in mind, I will share a little poem I came across today....I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.
"Quit!! Give up! You're beaten!" they shout at me and plead.
"There's just too much against you now, this time you can't succeed!"
And as I start to hang my head in front of failure's face,
My downward fall is broken by the memory of a race.
And hope refills my weakened will as I recall that scene
for just the thought of that short race rejuvenates my being.
A children's race, young boys, young men, how I remember well
Excitement, sure! But also fear it wasn't hard to tell.
They all lined up so full of hope, each thought to win that race.
Or tie for first, or if not that at least take second place.
And fathers watched from off the side, each cheering for his son
and each boy hoped to show his dad that he would be the one.
The whistle blew and off they went. Young hearts and hopes afire.
To win and be the hero there, was each young boy's desire.
And one boy in particular whose dad was in the crowd
Was running near the lead and thought--"My dad will be so proud!"
But as they speeded down the field across a shallow dip
The little boy who thought to win lost his step and slipped
Trying hard to catch himself his hands flew out to brace
And mid the laughter of the crowd he fell flat on his face.
So down he fell and with him hope - he couldn't win it now -
Embarrassed, sad, he only wished to disappear somehow.
But as he fell his dad stood up and showed his anxious face
Which to the boy so clearly said: "Get up and win the race."
He quickly rose, no damage done. Behind a bit that's all
And ran with all his might and mind to make up for the fall.
So anxious to restore himself - to catch up and to win -
His mind went faster than his legs - He slipped and fell again!
We wished then he had quit before with only one disgrace.
"I'm hopeless as a runner now, I shouldn't try to race."
But in the laughing crowd he searched and found his father's face
that steady look which said again, "Get up and win the race!"
So up he jumped to try again - ten yards behind the last -
"If I'm to gain those yards" he thought "I've got to move real fast!"
Exerting everything he had he regained eight or ten
But trying hard to catch the lead he slipped and fell again!
Defeat! He lay there silently. A tear dropped from his eye.
There's no sense running anymore three strikes, I'm out; why try?
The will to rise had disappeared. All hope had fled away
So far behind, so error prone. A loser all the way.
"I've lost so what's the use" he thought. "I'll live with disgrace."
But then he thought about his dad whom soon he'd have to face.
"With borrowed will get up" It said "You haven't lost at all
For winning is no more than this, to rise each time you fall."
So up he rose to run once more. And with a new commit
He resolved that win or lose at least he wouldn't quit!
So far behind the others now - the most he'd ever been
Still he gave it all he had, and ran as though to win.
Three times he'd fallen, stumbled. Three times he rose again.
Too far behind to hope to win - he still ran to the end.
They cheered the winning runner as he crossed the line - first place.
Head high and proud, and happy; no falling; no disgrace.
But when the fallen youngster crossed the line last place
The crowd gave him the greatest cheer for finishing the race
And even though he came in last with head bowed low, unproud.
You would have thought he won the race to listen to the crowd.
And to his dad he sadly said, "I didn't do so well."
"to me, you won," his father said. "You rose each time you fell."
And now when things seem dark and hard and difficult to face
The memory of that little boy helps me in my own race.
For all of life is like that race with ups and downs and all
And all you have to do to win is rise each time you fall.
Quit! Give up! You're beaten! They still shout in my face.
But another voice within me says, "Get up and win the race."
--D. H. Groberg