I am home again! Again. I am so done with this. Waking up coughing and wheezing and a lot of other things we won't mention sucks! I am over it! I want this to end and just go away! I do not have asthma, I do not have asthma, I do NOT have A-S-T-H-M-A!!!!!
Am I in denial? I don't know. I guess so. I'm still trying to get over the fact that my doctor thinks I have asthma. I'm an adult. Not a kid. I never had asthma as a kid either. So, what the heck?!!! What's up with this?
Now I have to go see a specialist. A pulmonologist. So, they can evaluate me. Poke and probe me. All to determine if I am on the right medication and why my so called asthma is what they call, uncontrolled. It's out of control all right! And I need it to stop!!! Right now!!! Today. Go away. Find someone else to bother and annoy because I'm not having it. I do not want it. I am not taking it. And I don't want to admit it to myself that I have it! No no no no!!!!
Are you still here?
Is that another cough attack?
Your breathing hard again and wheezing too.
ARG!!! I want to say it, but I know I will regret it. You know the words..... why my?
Now watch, a lesson will be learned because I said those words. I will soon realize, Why NOT me, very soon.
I will also be shown someone else who has it far worse than I do. Just watch. Before long I will come across someone with a far worse situation than mine. It happens every time I even think those two little words.
But something amazing happens too. As I encounter another person with a situation that is much harder than mine, I am reminded that I am never alone. I am reminded that I am being watched over. Even during my times of trial. Especially during these times of trouble. There He is. Right beside me. Guiding me. Talking with me. Reminding me that I am worth his time and concern. Calming my fears.
What a blessing it is to feel this. What a wonderful thing it is to know that He is with me. AND, incredibly humbling at the same time.
So, if I have to experience this thing called asthma at thing time and place in my life, I will take it. I will take it because I trust in Him to help me through this and that makes this all worth it. This will be a time of learning. This will eventually become a strength and ultimately, I may be able to share what I know with someone else. This can become a blessing. Time to keep my eyes open. Time to pay close attention, and listen to that still small voice. Do not get discouraged. Stay on track. Keep the faith and trust. BE STRONG!!! You can do it. Enough said.