Wednesday, February 19, 2014

I will go, I will do...

Today has been a strange day all around to say the least.  I thought it was because of the shorter work week due to the President's Day holiday, but that isn't it.

Then I thought it was because we took Lexi to volleyball practice instead of mutual tonight, but that wasn't it.

 I thought it was because we missed church on Sunday because of Lexi's tournament, but that wasn't it either.
Now those things could have added to that feeling for sure.

When I got home from work and running an errand or two, I received answers.

You see since this weekend I was feeling a little empty.  I'm not sure exactly why I just felt that way.  Now before I go any further I so know going to church might have prevented this feeling all together.  I get that.

So I spent a few evenings praying for help and understanding.  I wanted to know why we are here.  Why this ward at this particular time because I have never really felt like I belonged here.  I guess I feel kind of like an alien, for lack of a better analogy.  An imperfect wife and mother existing in a place where everyone else tries to make you believe they are perfect.  Not reality.  A place where people fake it until they make it.  Now keep in mind, I know better than this.  But this is how the adversary works on me, by getting me to believe all of this "hoey".  (He has done a number on me, I know.).

I know the people in this area are merely doing the best that they can and are awesome people.  In fact, I know that most of them are trying to just keep all the balls in the air and juggle everything just like the rest of us.  Especially those with huge callings on top of their family responsibilities.  They do an awesome job and how dare I place judgement like that, right?  I agree.  Remember, this is my training session too and I still have lots to learn.

At work, while on my lunch break, I read this....
"Put yourself in Nephi's sandals for a moment.  Your father comes home to tell you about a great spiritual experience whereby the Lord has commanded your family to leave.
You will leave Jerusalem but come back for brass plates and Ishmael's family, marry one of Ishmael's daughters and have children, travel southeast across the Arabian peninsula for many years, almost become a murder victim at the hands of your brothers (multiple times), build a ship, sail across an ocean, start building a village but then abandon it to escape persecution, and finally build a temple in your promised land."

Today more than any other time in my life, I understand why my Heavenly Father did not lay out my entire life and tell me all that He would ask me to do in the future.  I always wondered why certain things happened the way they did or why certain things just didn't happen.  Do you ever wonder about these things?

When I got home from all of my errands I received one answer in quite a bizarre way.   Kevin sat me down and we discussed some things that were brought to his attention today.  Now believe me, the answer to the things, brought to our attention, is an easy one.  Of course, we will do it.  No, we don't need ANYTHING in return for this.  Bottom line, push come to shove, we will be there.  No matter what.

Does this mean things will be easy?  No.  Do we have concerns?  Of course we do.  For all parties involved.

Bottom line.  I know why we are here.  I know what we need to do and I know why things have happened the way they have thus far.  Answers have come.

However, with that being said, this means we have work to do.  We have to first take our decision to the Lord.  We need to include our Heavenly Father in the next steps along the way.  

Believe me, I wish I could share this.  But this is not something "l" should share.  It really isn't my place to share unless certain people want this shared.
Maybe later.  Maybe.

One thing is for sure.  I am shocked.  I am humbled and I am at a complete loss for words.  And at the same time, honored.  WOW!!!

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