Monday, January 20, 2014

A project and a call for action

Guess what???!!!!  I found another piece for my faux mantle tonight.  On another one of the Facebook groups that I belong to!  It's going to be the top piece of the mantle.  It's 5 feet long.  So it's the perfect length!!!!!  I am sooooo excited!!!!  I can't wait to show all of you and I've only spent $20.00 total so far.  Hopefully I can keep this project under $30.00, but I will be okay if it ends up costing more like $50.00.  I will have pictures of the new piece tomorrow.  I still don't know when we will be putting this together.  I've been sick and so has Lexi. 
I woke up last Monday, showered and fully intended to go to work and then it happened,......the coughing and I could not breath.  I grabbed my inhaler and could not get any relief.  So, I stayed home from work.  There is nothing quite like not being able to breath.  It stinks!  That feeling never went away.  Later that morning Lexi woke up with another migraine.  (She has had quite a few over the past few years.  Lexi says she remembers having these since 3rd grade.  Really!!!??  I had no idea. None!  Does that make me a bad mother?  She never said a word until a couple of years ago)  The next day, I was still struggling but Lexi went off to school.  Then at about noon Lexi called and had me pick her up from school because she had another migraine.  So off to the doctor we both went.  Then we both had trouble the next couple of days.  By Friday we were both sick and now we both have strep throat.  I should have known that my episode would turn into some other illness.  This is how it goes.  Luckily the migraines let up for Lexi by the end of the week.  Then on top of everything else Curtis had another tonsillitis episode.  I think he gave Lexi and I the strep throat but who knows.  We have had more than our fair share of sickness lately.  At first it was just Kevin and I and I thought it was just because we were getting old.  But then the kids started getting sick too.  So, now I don't know what it is.  But we are done!!!!  This needs to go away and not come back for a very long time.  Let's move on to other things.
Have I mentioned lately how grateful I am for a Heavenly Father that hears and answers my prayers, and as He answers my prayers He reminds me that He is constantly aware of and a part of the details of my life.  What a blessing it is to know this.  I cannot imagine living my life and not knowing this.  What kind of choices would I have made without the gospel of Jesus Christ in my life?  Where would I be today without the blessings of the Holy Ghost in my life?  I have so much to be thankful for and yet at times I feel so unworthy of all the many blessings in my life.  Since before my husbands back surgery, in August, I can count on maybe two hands the number of times we have been to church.   (I'm not proud to admit that.) Those times usually happen because someone in our family has been asked to speak in sacrament.  It's kind-of sad that our bishopric knows these things will get us there.  Or that they feel they need to have one of our children speak to get us there. I mostly blame myself for this.  These are the times I should have been stronger and just went.  It's hard now to get there.  I can honestly say, I have good intentions all week.  Then by Sunday morning the adversary works on me and I stay in bed as time slips by well past our 9am Sacrament Meeting time slot. 
It use to be, in a few wards back, (we've moved a couple of times) that I really enjoyed going to church and I loved serving.  I use to dread staying home from church and often wondered how someone could be one of those members that "just go through the motions".   Or one of those people that wouldn't want to serve and give it their very best.  Or one of those people who serve just for the recognition.  Or one of those people who will serve when someone with authority asks and declined serving when someone without a title in the ward would ask.
I think I know how I got in this situation now, and NO I am not happy about it at all.  I think some of the struggles or trials we have been through as a family have "dulled our sparkle" so-to-speak. 
So, how do we get back to where we were?  How do we get that desire to serve with all our heart, might, mind, and strength?  How do we start to not want to miss church anymore?  I don't want to be one of those people that walks the halls of the building while repeating in her mind, "The church is true, the church is true."  Does this mean that I am not a good Mormon?  Does this mean that I am less of a member than all those that go each week?  No!  Believe me, I know some of those that go every week struggle to.  They have their weaknesses.  I know of one such member that gossips way too much.  She spills information about random people whenever you talk to her.  It's almost like a nervous habit for her or something.  Does that make her a bad person?  No!  In fact, she can be quite lovely and has done many nice things for us.  It just means that we all have our struggles, and I just know I need to try and look past that issue for her. Just like I'm sure she feels she needs to look past some of my issues too.  So, I'm not exactly sure how to get back to where we were.  But I need to try.  I need to get myself as close to that as possible.  Simply because I do not like myself in this so called spot.  I want to do and be better.  I know I can.  The fact that I recognize a huge change in myself and my family is proof enough that something is not as it should be.  Time for action.
This Sunday is stake conference.  I can get there for that.  First because church starts a little later and second because it won't look so obvious that we are there after so much time.  Well, wish me luck.  Hope you all have a good night. 
QUOTE:  Every accomplishment begins with a decision to try.
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